A few things about myself

   I grew up in the 1950's..It sure would have been great if the '50's were as nice as TV and films convey..First of all,it was very,very white..It wasn't until the 4th grade where my teacher was African-American do I recall anyone of color..The only people of color on TV was Amos & Andy..Luckily,I was never exposed to bigotry and hated of other races,as a child..
          I also never heard one single word about anything Gay..Nothing..At 12 I asked my father to tell me about the birds and the bees..His reaction was to turn red-faced,and changed the subject..I never asked him a second time..I assume leaving your child ignorant on sex matters made sense..in the 1800's..
            Around the age of eight,our family Dr. told my parents that he wanted to treat me with hypnotherapy...Once the good Dr. got me alone and secluded,he molested me..This happened three times,then ceased..That my parents never once questioned the good Dr. as to why he was showering me with expensive gifts,is sad and pathetic..If some man was giving my little son presents,I would sure find out why..
            You have to know that my parents were never ones to tell anything to..Esp. if it was bad news..My mother reacted with anything from that I was responsible,to I was lying,that never happened..My mother has earned her very own separate post,so I will cover her in depth in that post..
           I don't think that I really ever got over the feelings of betrayal of having our kindly old Doc sexually attack me..I do think that it likely affected me on many levels through out my life..
          Although I don't think that it is related,I ended up being Gay in identity..I always felt different than those around me..I would watch sitcoms of husbands and wives and be filled with dread and deep sadness that I would be forced into one of those relationships..Then,one Sat. afternoon, while attending a film performance,I had a sudden Epiphany about myself..I was 11/12 at the time..The film I was watching was called:" Atlantis,the lost world" I believe..There was one scene in which half naked body builders were being turned magically into animals..That got my interest,and as I walked out of that theater,I knew why I felt different..

     I never acted on my feelings,wisely knowing,even that young age,that this secret had to be kept from everyone..
      It wasn't until I went into the Army at 17,that anything occurred..I was stationed at Ft. Ord Ca...It was my first three-day pass off of the post..I drove up to San Fransisco..I parked and simply walked around,not having a clue as to what I might find..Then I saw this guy walking down Market Street..Even a 17 year old could tell that he was Gay..HAHA! I had no interest in him, but I followed him to see if he went where more Gays might be..I saw him enter a bar..I followed..Here I was,17,in a bar,a Gay bar at that..Too funny..Nature took its course and now I had a bar to hang out in every time I was in S.F.
             Bars played a very important social roll back then..There were so few places one might go and have a few laughs..So different from today..
            The Haters don't realize it,but they are directly responsible for more and more people coming out as Gay or Lesbian..They never,ever shut up about it,it is all they talk about,the eat,sleep and dream about Gays..There was real power in the veil of silence on the subject..Like so many others I thought I was the only one that felt as I did..Now, there is no one on this earth that doesn't know that Gays exist..So,I thank the Haters and the Bigots for all they have done,in this regard..
           Their hatred blinds them to common sense..Why would any person ever CHOOSE to be Gay? Ask yourself who would choose to be a automatic second-class citizen? Who would choose to be denied equality? Who would choose to hated and vilified simply for existing? Who would choose to be murdered simply gardening in their own yard..Logic tells you no one would choose that..No one..
           I ask anyone Heterosexual if they can change to being Gay..Odds are,they will say no,they can't..Yet the Haters insist that we can turn off our innate sexuality and become straight.Pray the Gay away,if you will..It doesn't work like that,and no amount of prayer can turn a Heterosexual Gay,or vice versa..If you believe that,then I feel for you..Wishing something does not make it so..I will cover my religious feeling in another post..
         Fate dealt me the Gay card,I took what was given me,and made the best of my lot in life..I have no regrets about anything ..Oh,I wish things could have been better ,worked out better,but wishing,like prayer,does not make everything better...