Losing my religion

          Thinking all about my devoted,Christian church-attending sainted mother caused me to reflect on my take on religion..
             I woke up to churchly reality at a very young age..Every year,at Easter,all Sunday school students were given a collection can to be filled with money all year long..Each can had the childs name on it..You turned in your own full collection can,and received a new,empty one in return..
            I think I was 11 years old, I had turned in my collection can along with everyone else that day..I had forgotten my jacket in the church basement where Sunday school was held..Securing my jacket,I took a shortcut walking on the stage..I saw there was a table with a sea of cans on it..I realized at that moment that the church had plenty of money and sure as Hell didn't need mine..I searched and I searched for my name,I found my collection can and stuck it deeply into my jacket pocket..Needless to say,my friends and I had several months of ice cream, movies,candy and comic books..
             I thought long and hard about the whole God concept as a youngster..The whole He is watching you and every thing that you do,sounded just like Santa knowing when you are sleeping and knows when you're awake, he knows when you've been bad or good, etc..Like Santa,God in that form was just too much of a stretch of imagination to exist..
            As a teen, I had a friend from Holland who's parents had escaped from the Nazis and came to the U.S...His parents told me harrowing tales of torture death camps for Jews like themselves..They spoke the truth,as the fear still showed in their eyes when they were telling about these things..It got me thinking..Here are the Jews..They are devoted to God..Even their diet involves the Torah,and God..These are really Gods people in that sense..
            I asked myself that if I had millions of people devoted to me,that lived only for me and to love me,why would I let them be slaughtered? Yet,that is just what happened..No, it defies logic once again to believe that some guy wearing white robes is leaning over a fluffy white cloud and watching me have a shower..
           Of course,those that doubt such as myself,to just have faith...Lets see..I am to have faith that some invisible being,who lives on clouds,watched every person on earth every second of every day? That will never happen..
           This is no knock against those who do believe..Have at it..Wonderful! But,don't try and force me to share in these fantastic beliefs,that is all I ask..
     In a later post,I will share my experiences with a few Self-proclaimed,self-identified Christians I have met along the way...I can only add that my mother is a christian,in ever way,a christian..